Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
