Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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