My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
ttyl tear gas
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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