Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize