I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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