Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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