While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
