omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
is that a dick in a sweater?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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