Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
