she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize