the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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