How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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