oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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