smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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