I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize