New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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