Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
