I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
