dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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