Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
