i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
