I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
