Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
