I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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