doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
God, I missed his penis.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
