Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
