i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
