I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
