You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
