Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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