Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
