When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize