You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize