69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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