hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
