New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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