I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
