you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
