I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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