I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
