you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
