2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
