Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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