Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
