If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
