Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
