I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
