Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
