So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have tasted many bathrooms
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
