i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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