I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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