There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
