I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
