from now on my penis is your penis
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
