I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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