no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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