had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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