She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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