I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
