so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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