Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
