I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
