Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
