Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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