# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
