Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
