My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do vagina's smell?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
