Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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