My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
