He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize