Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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