There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
