How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
