That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
