i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
