Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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