I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
