He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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