I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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