Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
