yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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