Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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