I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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