Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
