i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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