So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
