My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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