In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
