I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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