left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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