I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
