Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
