I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
