Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
