Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
