i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
