After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
