I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize