I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
