he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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