Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
