I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
