I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The air was thick with penises
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
