Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
