piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
