You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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