Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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