Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
