One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
