Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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