Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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